I'm Gonna Take Off All My Clothes

As I went through this first week of restructuring my eating habits, I was amazed how much the issue of self-esteem and beauty kept creeping up on me.  Like a paranoid monster, I began to over evaluate every little thing about myself. Thoughts like "I hope I'm not eating too much", "These pants make me look fat" or "I wish I had legs like her" were constantly invading my mind. 
 
Truthfully, part of the reason why I even began this whole weight loss journey was because I was struggling with some serious insecurities.  At that time, I was considered clinically "overweight", so I felt frumpy, disgusting and unattractive.  I know it sounds so superficial but it's a mind game I think we all play on ourselves at one point or another. We allow the media, TV, magazines, movies and celebrities to define a standard of universal beauty. We buy into it and then do almost anything we can to aspire to it. 

I think my lowest point this week came right after one of my Zumba classes. I made a quick stop to the grocery store and ran in all sweaty, smelly, and dirty---basically, I looked a hot mess. I immediately felt like all eyes were on me as I tried to quietly and unnoticeably maneuver through the store. I just knew people were heaving their condescending and judging stares of disapproval and disgust at me. 

But right before I could check into my own pity party, I suddenly noticed the stare of one individual; one little individual to be exact. A little boy, who couldn't have been older than 3 or 4 years old, gave me the longest and most intense glance of my life. And after a few minutes passed, he finally smiled at me, uttered "You're purty!" and then quickly shuffled down another aisle.

At that moment, all my fussing, complaining, negativity and self-criticism lifted from me. If an innocent child could see how "purty" I was, sweat and all, then why couldn't I? During the drive home, a song called "Private Party" from one of my favorite artists, India Arie, came on and reminded me of how far I've come. My favorite verse is:

I'm gonna take of all my clothes,

Look at myself in the mirror

We're gonna have a conversation

We're gonna heal the disconnection

I don't remember where it started

But this is how its gonna end

My body is beautiful and sacred

And I'm gonna celebrate it

(Private Party Lyrics)

After screaming this song at the top of lungs about 50 times, I realized something. I AM AMAZING JUST WAY I AM. I kicked myself for spending so much time trying to live up to this standard of perfect beauty. But the truth is…that standard does NOT exist. There is no such as thing as having the perfect look or being the perfect person. What I love about "beauty" is that it is so subjective. No one can define what is beautiful for you, only you can define that for yourself. 

So while you are on your fitness journey, or even after you have reached your destination, know that you are beautiful no matter what! Whether you're all dressed up or just finished taking a Zumba class, be proud and thankful of who are you because who you are right now is awesome and a the best stepping stone for who you'll eventually become. Enjoy your private party Zum-buddies, you deserve it!